Slowly going through all the messages of sympathy and condolences left for us on social media and text messages. Thank you everyone for all your warm loving thoughts. It might take time but will make sure to get to each one. Thank you also to all those who came at the wake and at the funeral. Thank you to all those who sent flowers, prayers and mass cards. Thank you to everyone who came to visit at the hospital and helped us in every way possible. Every good and thoughtful deed counted! Missing Mommy with my every breath (especially at bedtime when it’s time to “telebabad” with her) but my heart is resting in the thought that she is at peace, happy and in Tito Father’s words (Cardinal Rosales), “Don’t worry about her, she will be too happy and busy loving God!” and I agree! It’s amazing that she feels even closer to me now more than ever, there’s no more physical overseas distance because she now lives in my heart.
Love,
Ate 
05.18.16
***PHOTO: Mommy showing off a white rose, her favorite prayer flower, in a St. Therese event and wearing her contagious smile and overflowing joy (that everyone will miss) while doing what she loves and does best, serving the church.***
That moment when you try to show off to your husband a flying kick which you haven’t done in two decades and then you get a side cramp (no, more like a side-back-hip-thigh-tush-rib-armpit-boob cramp) that lasts for eight minutes…
VREM B
Remember that day I was driving
and showing you around Metro Manila
and because of my incredibly challenged sense of direction we got lost
and I accidentally brought you to a landmark (was it a statue?) three times in a row
because I kept making a wrong turn
and you started to make fun of me
and we both started laughing so hard our sides hurt
then you told me that we should remember that moment
so we can go back to it when we’re sad
because it will cheer us up and make us smile?
I pulled out that happy memory today.
You were right.
Before the famous graffiti of Banksy, there was me.
TRIVIA • I was shy when I was a kid • I would stare blankly but there would always be a Mardi Gras carnival parade going at 120 mph inside my head • I was always willing to please even when it hurts (still sometimes guilty to this day) • I hate putting on sunblock, with a passion • I have a huge problem saying NO, but I’m working on that • I am not afraid of ghosts • I used to get paid big time for blogging (until I got burned out and couldn’t sell my soul out anymore)…
PS. I would like to know a random fact about you too. Please drop me a comment. I really would like to know.
Thank you so much to everyone who took time to write me joyful and supportive messages on my Facebook post about making it to “ART SAVES LIVES INTERNATIONAL”. Thanks to those who “liked”. I am touched. It baffles me how sometimes a little milestone posted on Facebook can magically appear to be 100 times grander than it probably is, which might be the case here. I have a long way to go. But I am happy (and shall I say stoked!) with the thought that you all most likely “get me”. So much more than the achievement or honor or recognition it brings, it is the opportunity to live my humble dream of communicating important messages through my “heART” that I live for as well as being able to support the causes that resonate with me throughout this journey. That is why I typically and stubbornly don’t make cute and pretty decorative artwork for money or pursue commissioned designs, that is why I suffer, struggle and die a little (truthfully, die a lot) when faced with requests to make art that I can’t personally connect with, no matter how much I am promised to get paid. They are unbearably painful. I digress. My heart still aches, I think it aches even more now realizing that there is so much more to do and so many more obstacles to overcome in order to do all of them. Thank you with all my heart. The love in me recognizes and honors the love in you..
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance….I hope you dance.
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’,
Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’,
Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin’ out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance….I hope you dance.
I hope you dance….I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
Dance….I hope you dance.
I hope you dance….I hope you dance.
I hope you dance….I hope you dance..
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone)
HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!
I THOUGHT ABOUT ALL OF YOU WHEN I READ THIS POEM:
The Invitation
by Oriah
It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon…
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.
It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.
By Oriah © Mountain Dreaming,
from the book The Invitation
published by HarperONE, San Francisco,
1999 All rights reserved
Revisiting one of my favorite paragraphs in the book Eat, Pray, Love. I can deeply relate.
Here goes:
“What can you believe? The world is unkind and unfair. Speak up against unfairness and in Sicily, at least, you’ll end up as the foundation of an ugly new building. What can you do in such an environment to hold a sense of your individual dignity? Maybe nothing. Maybe nothing except, perhaps, to pride yourself on the fact that you always fillet your fish with perfection, or that you make the lightest ricottta in the whole town?”
’nuff said…
Came across this one and I’m now laughing at how loud this voice of truth is. I know some people who are like this! In fact, a bunch crucified me behind my back at one point for a blog post I wrote a while back yet they remained numb and blind to the heartache and heartbreak written all over it (which they caused anyway!). I’m still getting some residual haunting every now and then up to this day but hello, it’s been like five, six years? I have since grown, transcended and moved on. I don’t understand why some just couldn’t. We all need to get busy with loving, growing and focusing on being better people and building better lives instead so we don’t end up being stuck in a rut, rotting, viciously regressing and swimming in all the negative shizzle that we bring upon ourselves and cast upon others…(especially behind their backs). *wink* *wink*
MY CHRISTMAS EVE TRADITION. Bringing out my two favorite things while I’m caught in my favorite window of calm, happy solitude which happens between the holiday rush and the start of all the festivities, merriment and cheer: this crystal glass and my favorite once a year drink for my old soul, Cream Sherry. I usually buy a bottle around my birthday every year. I have yet to meet someone who gets as excited and tickled silly as me at the call of Cream Sherry. A friend once remarked “Are you 80?” I’m an old soul, baby. So here I am again this year, listening to “Baby, it’s Cold Outside” (although quite frankly it’s not THAT cold here in Cali) and I’m filling my heart with joyful memories of warm Christmases of my past and strengthening my faith that with God’s grace there will be even better things for us, our families and the whole world in all the new Christmases to come.
Merry, Merry Christmas, precious family and friends. Keep luv-lovin’ Stay life-livin’ CHEERS!
MY BIRTHDAY GIFT FOR MYSELF. My own Christmas Nativity Set aka “Belen”! I finally own one! Weeee! Went to a thrift store in Alameda one Sunday after I dropped off my painting at a gallery down the street from it and found this! I’ve never been a pastel-colors-girly-girl-cutie-patootie kind of person but I’ve always had a big soft spot for Precious Moments (even got them as toppers for our wedding cake and Christmas tree!) So this….this teeny tiny set brings so much joy for the price of only a couple cups of coffee. The pieces are so tiny I decided to arrange them inside my mini cheese dome so I don’t inhale them, lol.
I love thrift stores!
THANK YOU FOR ALL THE BIRTHDAY WISHES. It’s a special and quiet birthday as I’ve always preferred it to be. Always consciously slowing down on this day to smell the flowers, uhm, er, Christmas tree. Yes! I finally finished decorating our gold, pearl and purple themed tree. I always purposely top all this opulence with a very simple Precious Moments angel topper (whose clothes are patched up and torn). This keeps my heart grounded and committed to the real reasons for the season.
But yeah, it finally smells like Christmas in our little castle! I’m thankful for new ornaments too: a vintage ball which I picked up for 50 cents at a thrift store (it makes me wonder what kind of Christmases it has witnessed in the past and I am drawn to add to its abundant well of memories), an exquisite Lennox Claddagh ornament from my sweet aunt Jeannie (to celebrate my Irish roots!) and I’m still waiting to receive the new ornament that my bestie gives me yearly (she already sent me a photo of it). Every piece added to our tree each year is completely random and unplanned but always wondrously fitting in, very meaningful, special and treasured just like all the moments of love, joy and peace I’ve been blessed with throughout the year including the new milestones I never ever imagined I could reach.
I really can’t ask for anything more. Well, good health for my parents (yes, please!) and for all my loved ones and me, abundance and prosperity that will enable me to help many and so much more opportunities in the coming years to keep on growing, learning new things, using God’s gifts and living this awesome gift of life to the fullest no matter what obstacles get in the way.
And oh yes, I’m wishing everyone this amazing symphony of inner peace, strength and quiet contentment I’ve found especially for those who haven’t found it!
Life is great. God is the greatest.
12.16.14
1. My trip to the Philippines in January this year to visit my parents, family and friends and to revisit memories, live like a local for a couple of weeks because it really feels that way everytime…y’know, like I really never left, only with more appreciation of what I left behind.
2. Keeping up with the healthy lifestyle which I started in 2013…clean eating…Paleo…cultivating mind strength, most of all.
3. Trip to NYC and PA: Being able to visit and celebrate with family (cousins galore!) and friends…wedding, sightseeing, reunions, art museums and being able to take Aj with us.
4. Aj’s beautiful experience and safe mission project in Thailand. My heart beamed with pride.
5. Learning how to run and experiencing my first 5K ever
6. Achieving my dream of doing fundraising 5Ks for my causes: Breast Cancer and Prostate Cancer research, in honor of my superheroes: Mommy and Daddy. Thanks to all those who donated to the causes.
7. The Festival of Philippine Arts and Culture (FPAC) held in Los Angeles which I was blessed to be part of
8. A truly random and unexpected opportunity to hang my paintings at a pop up gallery: Clubhouse Cocktail Lounge in Alameda and another one (fingers crossed) hopefully coming up soon: Studio 23!
9. Being interviewed by TAYO Literary magazine for their online blog. It felt so surreal since mine is coming after many art-schooled and extremely talented people
10. TAYO magazine for always believing in my work. Publication coming soon: January 2015
11. The unexpected, the unplanned, the one I said NO to, the one I wasn’t ready for, but the one who surprised me with so much gentleness, loyalty and unconditional love…my current source of peace, the one who quiets my hyperactive and chaotic mind, my bonus: OUR DOG TANK. He wasn’t supposed to be ours, but I’m glad he is ours now. I won’t have it any other way. Yeah, even if I love to be alone and he doesn’t leave me alone…
12. Finally getting a bigger car hahaha. Something I can call “truck” even if it’s just an SUV (yeah hey!), not my dream BMW X3 (yet) because we figured if we were going to buy a spare car we might as well “buy” extra seating. So seven people, yeah, bring it on! #Montero
13. My two besties who are my sounding boards-slash-launching pads…the two people who keep me from chewing my nails and cuticles and eating all my fingers raw: Florence and Ali. Ali for the 26 years of strong friendship that never changed, a huge irrreplaceable puzzle piece. Flo…for always relighting the flame in my heart (and butt!) so I can keep pushing and chasing after my dreams and for always reminding me that the only thing between me and my dreams is the DOING. There is nothing else I want to be but to be to you like how you are to me…
14. My full-time job and also my side business and my studio hours
15. Mommy and Daddy’s continuous survival, healing and bouncing back despite the health issues. Thank you, God, please keep answering our prayers. Day to day, we will fight!
16. My sisters: Lisse for always remembering to call me and check on me and update me (because I’m not the calling type, really) and Trina, for everything that you do…you are the greatest sHero of them all.
17. Aj graduating with a Nursing degree next month. Woohoo!!!
18. Aldred, for always being so supportive, for tolerating my weirdness and creative chaotic mind, for his patience with my ADD and for putting up with all the healthy food I put on the dinner table. Most of all, for all the unconditional love and for believing in me even if sometimes it’s way too much, like I’m really superwoman and/or wonderwoman who can fly or walk on water…(but maybe that’s why most of the time I feel that I am and that I truly can)…
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
“I hope you will go out and let stories, that is life, happen to you, and that you will work with these stories… water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom.”
~Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves
Chorizo, eggs, sweet potatoes and quinoa. It’s not balanced but it is good! Comfort food [rebel] sunday retreat! Coffee would have been great but I just weaned myself off my daily caffeine fix and just survived some horrible, horrible withdrawals. So…no.
This one is for that person who never ever thought or believed even in her wildest dreams that I could run: ME!!! I did it!!! Weeeeeeheeeee! So happy I almost cried at the finish (well, not really, I just wanted water, yeah pretty much). Two months ago with zero running ability, I decided to accept the challenge and I ran for the first time and could barely live through it even for just 20 seconds! Now I have a 5K under my belt (no walking rests in between), finished at 34:10 — not too shabby (in my book)…I cannot believe it! I outdid myself!!! PS. And I didn’t finish last (which was my only goal aside from “just finish”, really LOL)!!!
Completed my first [unofficial] 5K today. Paced myself and ran 3.1 miles straight without walking intervals. Still need some work on endurance and a lot on speed but we’re getting there! Wowzers for someone who could barely complete (and live through) a 20 second dash six months ago (true story). Looking forward to the 5K Summer Breeze in San Leandro this August and hoping to be strong enough for a breast cancer research run in San Francisco by September (bucketlist!!!!!!). Posting this for accountability purposes, so I don’t accidentally fall off the wagon. (coz y’know, lol)
Today, I am grateful for the really good coffee from the break room. They have finally changed into a better roast and better beans — smooth with a nutty bouquet and real good chocolaty aftertaste (I’m not a connoisseur so that description will have to suffice). And oh, this cheesy omelette my co-worker made for me. I don’t normally eat cheese (dairy) anymore but God knows how much “cheese” I need in my life these days. So I will take it. And I will finish it.
Finding joy in little things while the big ones take some time. Aaah, TGIF. The week went by too fast for me. Sending much love and light to all, always always.
Sincerely, C (for crazy…or cheese…cheese!)
I posted this a few hours ago but didn’t have time to make my point. What I wanted to ask was, do you also hide inside your shoes? Because I do. Inside all my nice and pretty shoes is a pair of feet that walks around carrying this huge and heavy worry for some very important loved ones…their current health status and impending health crisis, some life changing decisions and adjustments that need to be made. And then this huge need for myself to be strong and hold it together for everyone. It is maddening. Most of the time, you’ll see me walking tall and strutting about in fab shoes but today I will be brave and tell you my secret: I hide inside lovely shoes. Today for instance, walking on these Steve Maddens is someone crying for help. Please pray WITH me as I pray for my loved ones.
And tell me everything’s going to be alright.
“But it wasn’t a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you…and you were there. But you couldn’t have been could you?”
~Dorothy, The Wizard of Oz
Been playin’ around too much I have completely forgotten that I do have some raw skills hiding in the bottom drawer (next to the moldy sandwich and the jar of expired pickles from 1980). LOL.
Makes me feel kind of legit in my own little way, I guess.
WINK. WINK. This is not the first time in the past couple of months when I threw a wish in the air, a heaven bound prayer or even something as fleeting as a short mental note to acquire something and then everything suddenly comes true. The best one among the recent blessings was when I prayed so hard for a delayed flight because we were running so late that it was physically impossible to reach the airport even if the roads swallowed every car obstructing the road in the traffic ahead of us. Of course, we made it. Coincidence? I no longer believe in coincidences, there are only purposive and meaningful synchronicities. Check this out, today is the oddest of them all. I kept on thinking about getting a wood panel to gesso and paint on and then also getting new rocks for my wire wrapping projects. Lo and behold, co-worker out of nowhere pulls out a wood panel (exactly the size I wanted) saying she doesn’t need it at home anymore and asked me if I wanted it.
Of course. Of course.
And then she pulls out this small pouch of beautiful rocks she said she also has no use for. Isn’t it amazing? Normally I would acknowledge these tiny miracles by closing my eyes, saying a prayer of thanks and tapping twice on my heart with my right hand (I’m quirky and I know it!) And today I did just that, with a knowing nod and a smile. I am so grateful and I’m opening up my heart to more. Because, why not? Bring the bigger things on!!! Thank you, my universe, my ever loving God.
Our ‘someday’ dreams aren’t always easy to chase. If they were, we’d already be living them. They will never happen until we take a step forward and in that direction. There really is only one secret to it all: to put ourselves out there right now and start letting our true light, who we really are, shine through. Baby steps will do. And waiting is not allowed. Not today, not ever.
Here’s a simple Paleo mayonnaise recipe which, come to think of it, dates back to my grandmother’s time and way before the new Paleo lifestyle even had a name! The philosophy is simple: Back to basics, baby!
My dad always made this while we were growing up and he still tries to make it during family visits even now that we’re all grown up and married. Okay, okay, we twist his arm for it.
Aaaah, the taste brings so many fond memories of childhood when we were all huddled together around the dining table waiting for daddy as he patiently stirred the concoction by hand because mini immersion blenders were still unheard of back then (yeah, I’m kind of ancient). We would then be walking around the house holding spoonfuls of mayo and licking them like lollipops. Like that.
Here’s all you’ll ever need:
1 large egg yolk (lately I’ve been adding the white into the party and so far it doesn’t alter anything at all)
1/2 to 1 teaspoon salt (I use pink himalayan rock salt or real sea salt crystals)
1 to 2 tbsp lemon or lime juice (or calamansi because it is always better in my book and lemon truthfully ain’t got nothin’ on it — if you’re Filipino, you know where to get it, if you’re not Filipino but you have a Filipino neighbor who has a calamansi tree in the backyard, you’re in luck!)
1 cup extra light olive oil
*If you noticed, I gave a range on the calamansi and the salt, because:
1. It really depends on how sour-salty you want it
2. I don’t really use measurements and scoop the salt with my fingers and my calamansi juice holder is the old trusty chinese soy sauce dipper that must have made it’s way to my house from a dimsum spot, lol.
Anyway, here’s all you’ll ever need to do:
Put everything together in a small deep bowl (or straight in a mason jar for storage convenience) in this order:
oil ~ lemon juice ~ egg (wait until it settles) ~ salt
Immerse your stick blender all the way down and mix for about 20-30 seconds. I still feel like a little kid each time I watch the magic happen. You know, when the clear mixture slowly turns into a thick yummy blob. You can keep the blender on and moving it up and down until all the oil disappears into the blob.
Easy peasy “lemon” squeezy, eh?
Bless with love and put it away in a sealed airtight container. I like to keep mine in the coldest part of the fridge. They said it lasts as long as the shelf life of the egg you used. It normally lasts for about a week if it doesn’t get all eaten up, that is. I like to mix my mayo with a generous serving of onion powder and chives when I use it as a dip for carrots and such. You should see me go to town with it! And have I said fried or steamed fish? And steamed white rice (if you’re okay with that).
Which reminds me…when you’re done, you can lick the blender blades too if you want to. You can thank me later for that. And oh, just unplug it first though. You can thank me for that one too!
My Random Rookie Running Thoughts:
1. I never imagined I could run until one day, I decided to lace up and go before my brain could say no. So….I found out that it is doable. *woot*
2. The breathing style is not too different from dancing so I didn’t have a hard time crossing over. I figured that if I could dance zumba and hiphop non-stop for a half or full hour without panting, then running is indeed not a too far-fetched dream.
3. True enough, I got antsy in the beginning with long distances (like how I would get bored driving for a long period of time with nothing but repetitive movement, path and scenery). It seems to take around 48 years before the next mile unrolls itself. This poses a real challenge for me. I (with my attention issues) am always tempted to burst into random movements like maybe flip, tumble, spin, hop on pointe and even the macarena between sprints. Seriously.
4. Somehow though, I find myself smiling after each run and this is exactly what dancing does to me. Endorphins? It’s a good thing.
5. As more training days go by, I find myself wanting to run more and more. It is truly addicting. I’m barely halfway done with my 5K training iPhone app called “Couch to 5K” (go figure) which strictly requires rest days in between to avoid injury and everyday I am already fighting the urge to burst into a sprint in the middle of the day, let’s say from my desk to the copy machine and back. Now that’s really weird.
6. If I were to categorize the phases from “noob” to “getting there” in thought chunks, here is my experience so far: “It might be boring and I may look really silly” >> “I cannot run, period” >> “I will try to run because I want to see if I can do what others do (especially on Facebook posts of 5Ks and super hero marathons and stuff), it seems fun” >> “Oh, it’s doable after all” >> ” I will continue to run because I don’t want to waste the few weeks of training I’ve already done” >> “I want to run because it makes me feel good” >> ” I want to run because…I want to run” >> It is addicting indeed.
7. I can’t wait to do my first 5K, they say running for medals and treats and the finish line itself is a totally different world altogether and I want to be able to know what it feels like to be there. Most of all, I want to be fit enough to do a second one and a third. The ultimate goal in my bucket list is to run and raise funds for breast cancer research and prostate cancer research in honor of my brave parents who continue to give these diseases their big strong fights.
8. At this point, I’m taking it one day at a time. Slowly but surely. I would like to see how far I can push myself, but I am also realistic and aware that I need to take calculated risks because of some limitations with my heart.
See you at the finish line(s)?
The first time I found out about it, I cried.
I didn’t know there was a word for it. I thought “homesickness” from being uprooted from a sweet place which I have known all my life and migrating to a foreign land which I am still trying to get acquainted with each passing day despite all the years of settling best described this perpetually mysterious and obscure state of my heart.
Apparently there’s a more beautiful and deeper way. Truly haunting. Untranslatable, potent and beautifully haunting…
It is instantly one of my favorite words now next to: “equilibrium”, “intuitive”, “crème brûlée” and “synchronicity” — all of which I believe showed me the way to stumble upon this word to begin with, even the crème brûlée part, yes. The universe conspires. God reveals all great things at the perfect moments. [Another favorite word is “solstice” but I still have to understand why. It will probably reveal itself tomorrow. Or the day after. I remain faithful.]
If you can’t wrap your mind around it fully, try understanding it with your heart. SAUDADE is a word that resonates with me so much. Maybe too much. It grasps everything that I can’t put my finger on (a specific person for instance, not necessarily because of the person alone but more of the place or period in my life that this person represents, or both).
It always shows up in my dreams…my childlike, honest, hopeful and unguarded dreams.
———————————
Here’s a little bit of info:
“A pleasure you suffer, an ailment you enjoy.” ~ Manuel de Melo
Saudade (European Portuguese: [sɐwˈðaðɨ], Brazilian Portuguese: [sawˈdadi] or [sawˈdadʒi], Galician: [sawˈðaðe]; plural saudades)[1] is a Portuguese and Galician word that has no direct translation in English. It describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing may never return.[2] A stronger form of saudade may be felt towards people and things whose whereabouts are unknown, such as a lost lover, or a family member who has gone missing.
Saudade was once described as “the love that remains” after someone is gone. Saudade is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, well-being, which now triggers the senses and makes one live again. It can be described as an emptiness, like someone (e.g., one’s children, parents, sibling, grandparents, friends, pets) or something (e.g., places, things one used to do in childhood, or other activities performed in the past) that should be there in a particular moment is missing, and the individual feels this absence. It brings sad and happy feelings all together, sadness for missing and happiness for having experienced the feeling.
PS. THANK YOU, WIKIPEDIA
[“saudade” writing on photo by moi]
A Paleo brunch of chili ground turkey with sweet potatoes (gotta love left-o’s!), cage-free eggs and a dollop of clean and organic guacamole. What I’m loving about today is the promise of a full quiet day ahead in my studio to work on some art projects before I hit the trail at the marina tonight with the hubs for my training for a 5k in August (I haven’t given up so I guess that’s a good sign). It took me a long time (and I mean years) to achieve these bursts of equilibrium in my life where I am able to follow all my heart’s desires and still be there for all the people who need me. #wonderwomanproblems. And I’ve always wondered when I can finally say (all factors considered) that I’m living the life I’ve always wanted. I have waited so long to be able to say that. It’s our crazy schedule that usually gets in the way and always steals it from me.
Today, as I sit here in my kitchen after I’ve said the graces, I realize I have it! It’s not about having a fat bank account nor a big big house, or the opportunity to see the whole world as often as others. People may also think what an “empty nest” our home might be without the pitter patter of little feet but to me, right here, right now, as I peacefully sit in my kitchen looking forward to a day of art making and achieving health goals, and growing a side business where I am able to express my creativity, and calling my parents before bed, and laughing with the hubs… our simple joyous life. This is the equilibrium I’ve always run after.
Yes, I am living the life I’ve always wanted.
Thank you, my ever loving God.
Just made quick, small and simple Intuitive Paintings in my cave to the tune of Lorde, Enya and Dr. Dre. On a break during my art retreat and taking this opportunity to apologize to everyone who had been waiting and requesting for a piece of art or design from me. I am grateful for everyone’s appreciation and trust, you guys are incredible. You believe in me more than I believe in myself. My desire to help and fulfill requests is sincere and ever present. But there remains so much to share from my own well and I desperately need to flow freely and without blockages. Hence, beginning today, I am doing my inner muse a huge favor (she bothers me a lot) by giving her the courtesy of uninterrupted follow throughs. Because of serious time constraints, I can only achieve this by regretfully turning down commissions and (odd) job requests in every form, at least for the time being. I am going through a lot (more than you can imagine) and the need to follow my heART and pursue a childhood dream is at its strongest.
